Codependency is considered the co-addiction to any addiction. It is referred to as a co-addiction because it is a compulsion as much as the addiction is to the addict. I know that when I came to recovery, I did not understand the definition of the word. Codependency is rescuing, care-taking, fixing, controlling, enabling, mothering, or rationalizing. Yes, I had always been a care-taker. I was into controlling every facet of life (mine and my husband’s). I got my value from meeting other people’s needs. When that strategy back-fired, and I did not get any value for myself, it made me angry. I can remember trying to keep our lives managed, and working very hard to keep the chaos under control. When there is addiction in the household, everything seems out of control. Even when we are not tuned in to the addiction as being the core issue of all the chaos, as a partner, I was always trying to make our lives functional. In reality, all the rescuing, all the fixing, all the care-taking was only enabling my husband to continue in his addiction and financial chaos (spending more and putting us deeper in debt). If I had only allowed him to suffer the natural consequences of his actions, it may have brought the issues to a head much sooner. But I did not want to accept that, because those consequences would have affected me, as well. So we continued in the cycle of enabling, until I came to understand how to step out of the rescue mode and get off the merry-go-round (so to speak), and bring an end to the cycle. Are you weary of trying fix everyone’s problems? Have you wondered why people get upset with you for trying to help? Maybe it is time to address the codependent issues in your life. I can promise you that it will be one of the most freeing steps you will ever take.
