I have found that my sexual addiction has caused a lot of financial chaos. It has cost me money I did not have, nor could I afford. I would do anything to further my addiction. I lied, deceived others, kept secrets that only benefited me and my addictions, all in the name of not wanting to give up the control of my money. The more I tried to hide the financial chaos, the worse it got. It got so out of control and destructive that I even stole from my own family finances and tried to cover it up with more lies.
I stole more than money; I also stole time away from my family, work and friends to spend on my sexual exploits. I would lie and then I had to remember what I lied about so that I could keep the lies straight. This all led to more financial chaos which kept getting harder and harder to hide. I began to find more devious ways to get money. I first tried to buy and sell vehicles. This was a disaster and I lost money. I then tried a less labor intensive method of getting money, gambling. I went to the local horse racing tracks and tried to learn how to bet on the horses. That cost me a small fortune, which I quickly lost.
So I had to try something different, casinos. I actually believed that I could play blackjack or the slots enough to win enough money to cover up for all the money I lost thus far. I was beginning to panic and my behavior became irrational and out of control. I so hoped to make enough money by gambling to cover up for the financial chaos that I would almost consider anything. I was so upset that it began to consume me. I lost sleep, work, money and family time. Nothing was working and everything I did made the financial chaos worse. One thing led to another and everything got progressively worse. My health and peace of mind was waning, and I was losing all rational thought while I was dragging myself and my family deeper into financial and mental confusion to the point that I could not find a way out.
Do you see any similarities with your own behaviors and life? Are you tired of existing (not living) like this? Now what?