Financial Chaos

I have found that my sexual addiction has caused a lot of financial chaos.  It has cost me money I did not have, nor could I afford.  I would do anything to further my addiction.  I lied, deceived  others, kept secrets that only benefited me and my addictions, all in the name of not wanting to give up the control of my money.  The more I tried to hide the financial chaos, the worse it got.  It got so out of control and destructive that I even stole from my own family finances and tried to cover it up with more lies.

I stole more than money; I also stole time away from my family, work and friends to spend on my sexual exploits. I would lie and then I had to remember what I lied about so that I could keep the lies straight.  This all led to more financial chaos which kept getting harder and harder to hide.  I began to find more devious ways to get money.  I first tried to buy and sell vehicles.  This was a disaster and I lost money.  I then tried a less labor intensive method of getting money, gambling.  I went to the local horse racing tracks and tried to learn how to bet on the horses.  That cost me a small fortune, which I quickly lost.

So I had to try something different, casinos.  I actually believed that I could play blackjack or the slots enough to win enough money to cover up for all the money I lost thus far.  I was beginning to panic and my behavior became irrational and out of control.  I so hoped to make enough money by gambling to cover up for the financial chaos that I would almost consider anything.   I was so upset that it began to consume me.  I lost sleep, work, money and family time.  Nothing was working and everything I did made the financial chaos worse.  One thing led to another and everything got progressively worse.  My health and peace of mind was waning, and I was losing all rational thought while I was dragging myself and my family deeper into financial and mental confusion to the point that I could not find a way out.

Do you see any similarities with your own behaviors and life?  Are you tired of existing (not living) like this?  Now what?

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